I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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