am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
