that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
