thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
