I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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