Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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