at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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