I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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