Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
