planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
