i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
