I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
