before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
