I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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