I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
