You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
