I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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