While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
