My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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