that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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