i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
