I hate all girls vehemently.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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