sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
