WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
