R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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