He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
