ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
COCAINE IS GR8
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
