After last night, I could never be a politician.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
