fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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