Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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