He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
