half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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