nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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