it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
