I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
