The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
