Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
