After last night, I could never be a politician.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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