am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
