Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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