wanna go halves on a baby?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
