She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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