Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Are my feet made of real feet?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
