I'm lost and stupid without you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
