Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
