Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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