areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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