You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
