i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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