Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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