dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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