So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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