Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
