Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
