Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
